August day..

Today is a perfect August day... white fluffy clouds and alot of noise from the tree frogs and locusts. My husband put a bird feeder in the front of the kitchen window along with a hummingbird feeder and I am amazed at how many birds come for breakfast, lunch and dinner.... and snacks in between! It is very relaxing to just listen and watch nature.

I like to think about what the Lord said about the birds..

"For this reason I say to you, do not be anxious for your life, as to what you shall eat, or what you shall drink ; nor for your body, as to what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? " Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? " And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life span?
It is true... watch the birds and see how they approach life. They work for their living and they sing about their joy. Simple.

We make life to complicated and it starts with selfishness. I challenge each of you for one day to think about everyone else and their needs instead of your own. Try it for one day - it's all about others and when others feel this kind of love they can easily give it back.

You reap what you sow...

Unbroken Ties to the Past

Prior to marriage, we all have a number of loyalties and dependencies. But as soon as we take that wedding vow, our primary human relationship becomes our spouse. This brand-new relationship forever alters previous associations, even of the best sort.
Problems emerge whenever individuals do not sever emotional ties to old boyfriends or girlfriends. This is especially true when there has been a heavy physical component in a prior relationship. The bonding that took place was premature and wrong.
Unless the individual works hard with God’s help to stop reliving the old dreams and schemes of the past, then both the person and his or her spouse will suffer.
I am not suggesting that a person won’t experience a sudden unexpected recollection that comes from nowhere to wound like a fiery dart. We can, however, stop pursuing the emotional memory of a previous love. We must root out those recollections from our memories to the best of our abilities.
When all we do is chop the heads off weeds [like in gardening], then all we enjoy is temporary relief from their presence. They will be back —often in a more robust form than before.
I have seen the destructive weed of past ties wrap itself so tightly around a husband or wife that divorce is the result. In many such cases, the individual then seeks out and marries his or her previous lover.
At the heart of these matters is a theological issue —the difference between remorse and genuine repentance. A person may think he has repented of the sins of his past and moved on with his life, when actually he’s just very sorry that things didn’t work out.
If you need help determining the difference, you can be sure that repentance hates the memory of sin and resists its return at every point. But if the sorrow you feel keeps you focused on the past, beware of remorse that may be preventing you from acknowledging the root of sin. If you do not find a previous sinful relationship unattractive, you must get beyond the remorse to find the repentance you need.
If the husband and/or wife has been divorced, this problem is inevitably compounded, for the aftereffects of divorce are often more severe than the divorce itself. As the couple approaches marriage, one (or both) of them faces especially strong ties to the past that almost certainly will work their way into this brand-new relationship.
Let’s assume that Bill and Jane, both divorced, are planning to marry. Neither of them initiated their divorces, and, in fact, did all they could to save their marriages. Bill’s wife left him for a fitness trainer at their club. Jane’s husband came home one evening and announced that he was strongly attracted to his secretary and wanted to be “amicably” released from his marriage. What can Bill and Jane expect in their new relationship?
Sin causes misery. Even though Bill and Jane could do little to avoid their divorces, they and their children are forced to live with the consequences of their former spouses’ sin. From now on, there will be occasional friction with the children of the previous marriage, who are forced to commute between divorced parents.
When the children graduate or get married, those events will become major stress points as Bill and Jane attempt to celebrate with their kids in the shadow of new stepparents. If Bill and Jane have children of their own, there will be a natural rivalry between those children and the children of the ex-spouses. Whether or not Bill and Jane choose to dwell on the ties of the past, those once vital relationships will assert themselves at regular occasions.
Couples do not need to feel trapped by these old associations, but moving on with their lives will require an extraordinary measure of emotional fortitude and prayerful dependence on God. It will also be a great help if they cultivate the kind of sensitive openness that will allow them to acknowledge their emotional struggles to each other. With honesty and patience, they can lean on each other, and together rest in the promise of God’s provision and protection.
The above article comes from the book, Lasting Love Lasting Love: How to Avoid Marital Failure by Alistair Begg, published by Moody Press. In this book Pastor Begg teaches “the art of a lasting relationship. He calls each partner to bury self-interests and diligently tend the fire of his own her own home hearth.”
As Alistair says about this book, “This is an attempt at preventive medicine. It is written primarily for those who are contemplating marriage from the vantage point of singleness, who are in the early stages of married life, or who have enjoyed a number of years of marital bliss and are tempted to conclude that this kind of material is interesting but undoubtedly irrelevant. However, it may also prove helpful to those who are already dealing with the effects of decay… In a sense, this book is, unashamedly, ‘Marriage for Dummies.’ It is a refresher course on basics, and hopefully you will find it to be much more.”

A Little Boy At A Big Piano

Wishing to encourage her young son's progress on the piano, a mother took her boy to a Paderewski concert. After they were seated, the mother spotted a friend in the audience and walked down the aisle to greet her. Seizing the opportunity to explore the wonders of the concert hall, the little boy rose and eventually explored his way through a door

marked "NO ADMITTANCE." When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered that the child was missing.

Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on
the impressive Steinway on stage. In horror, the mother saw
her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."

At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing."

Then leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left
hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was mesmerized.

That's the way it is in life. What we can accomplish on our own is hardly noteworthy. We try our best, but the results aren't exactly graceful flowing music. But when we trust in the hands of a Greater Power, our life's work truly can be beautiful.

Next time you set out to accomplish great feats, listen carefully. You can hear the voice of the Master, whispering in your ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing."

"You Will Suffer" by John Piper

Natural Addiction Recovery...

Interesting...

Addiction Recovery

We see patients in our practice on a daily basis that has been struggling for years with addiction issues. They have been in numerous rehab facilities, had years of counseling, faithfully attended recovery meetings and yet continue to relapse. This is devastating to the patient and their family. By addressing the biochemical imbalance contributing to the cravings and subsequent relapse we help our clients achieve longer periods of sobriety,  with little to no relapses.

Addictive drugs stimulate the same neural pathways that are involved in learning normal behaviors. The neurological sense of reward and the emotional sense of pleasure are also stimulated by addictive drugs. Drugs cause a much higher degree of neuronal pathway stimulation and neurotransmitter release. Due to this higher than normal level of neurotransmitter release, the strength of the behaviors learned and extent of neural adaptation associated with drug rewards are much stronger than those of normal biological rewards. This flood of neurotransmitters causes prolonged changes in the brain’s neurocircuitry responsible for sensing satisfaction and reward, and appears to play a key role in causing addiction.

 As frequency and /or intensity of drug use increases, the imprint of chemical connection occurs more rapidly. In fact, as illicit drugs users will attest, there is a euphoric response simply thinking about the drug of choice. This is caused by an imprinted recall of expected response which produces the neurotransmitters just as if the drug had been ingested. Euphoric recall often will produce a greater and more satisfying result than drug us itself, due to physical tolerance.

A consequence to prolonged drug use is an increase in the overall reward threshold which desensitizes the brain to rewards obtained from normal biological cues. This helps to explain why drug seeking behavior can take over a person’s life and can cause them to abandon their friends, family, and jobs, or engage in illegal behaviors to obtain the drug.

Emotionally, the addict is no longer able to feel the positive reinforcement or pleasurable feelings from natural rewards like food, water, or intimacy. They are only able to feel pleasure or perhaps, only feel normal if using the drug. This inability of someone who is drug-dependant to feel pleasure or outright depression emerges as part of the withdrawal syndrome. To avoid this, the user goes back to the drug.

Dopamine and Addiction

 It was once thought that alcohol and drugs cause neurotransmitter pathways to be fired rapidly, dumping large amounts of dopamine, epinephrine, GABA , acetylcholine, and serotonin into the brain, thus giving a  tremendous sensation of well- being, until the supply of neuronutrients and neuronutrition substrates is depleted. The result is a rush of pleasure.

    

The current research suggests that amphetamine and cocaine actually create new pools of dopamine. Food, sugar, chocolate, caffeine, nicotine, purging or exercise binges can also trigger the production of neurotransmitters. A characteristic of nearly all addictive drugs is their ability, directly or indirectly, to increase dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in pleasure and reward. Most simply, the development of addiction occurs upon increased dopamine signaling within the pleasure sensing nucleus accumbens by neuronal projections from the ventral tegmental area. As this pathway is reinforced through repeated drug exposures, the prefrontal cortex learns and eventually initiates the behaviors that led to the drug induced neurotransmitter release. Those sensitive to behavioral habituation to the point of dysfunction in areas like gambling, oral abuse , overeating, sex, pornography, thrill-seeking, violence,etc, are thought to have a similar reaction with endogenous neurotransmitters.

Drug Cravings and Glutamate

The desire to seek out drugs, or cravings, can persist for years after discontinuing the drug. They are especially strong during times of stress or when the individual is exposed to people, places, or things that were associated with or remind them of past drug use. This high potential for relapse is a significant obstacle in drug recovery programs. Stress and environmental cues are processed by neurons in the prefrontal cortex in the brain. This region does not use dopamine as a neurotransmitter, but instead uses glutamate. The prefrontal cortex has a primary role in risk assessment and decision-making that occurs prior to the manifestation of behavior. Through neuron projections to the core of the nucleus accumbens and the motor coordination circuits of the ventral palladium, the prefrontal cortex influences or determines choice.

Glutamate influences normal adaptive behaviors, or everyday living skills like walking, talking, getting dressed, going to school, driving to work, baking a meal, etc. Adaptive behaviors are skills a person learns in the process of adapting to his/her surroundings. A person’s behavior, good or bad, is determined by this interaction. Unfortunately, drugs significantly change a person’s perception of risk, reward, and social acceptance so a decision to buy drugs instead of groceries hardly seems to matter.         

           

1.The neural circuits of the ventral tegmental area (VTA), the nucleus accumbens, and the prefrontal cortex are critical in learning both natural and drug reward behavior. Upon exposure to either a naturally rewarding stimuli or a drug, there is a increase in dopamine signaling from the ventral tegmental area (VTA) to the nucleus accumbens. The nucleus accumbens “perceives” this dopamine signal and measures the “goodness” of the agent or the natural reward based on the size of the dopamine release. 2.Glutamate projections from the nucleus accumbens instruct the prefrontal cortex to remember the environment and behaviors which lead up to the occurrence of the “goodness”. 3. In addiction, excess signaling of glutamate neurons in the prefrontal cortex stimulate the nucleus accumbens, triggering drug seeking behaviors at the expense of naturally rewarding or good behaviors.

   

  

Amino Acids And Brain Neurotransmitters  

Just as family dynamics contribute to development of addictive behaviors, so does nutrition, particularly as it is involved in supplying precursors for neurotransmitters - chemicals which facilitate activity within the central nervous system such as tyrosine and tryptophan.

Amino acids are required to produce brain neurotransmitters and are found in both protein foods and carbohydrates. Tryptophan found in carbohydrate sources is better utilized by the brain better than that in protein sources producing more serotonin. Insulin production, which increases after eating carbohydrates, increases tryptophan absorption via the blood brain barrier. Also, other nutrients found in carbohydrates are required for all neuronal processing.

Homocysteine

Homocysteine (Hcy) is an intermediate in the transition of methionine to cystine. Without adequate vitamin B6, vitamin B12, and folate to convert Hcy to cysteine, Hcy builds up in the blood and even the brain. For those in recovery this buildup in the brain prevents healthy brain flow and “relaxing” neurotransmission. More profoundly, reports are correlating high levels of Homocysteine with acute withdrawal symptoms from alcohol. It is suspected and argued that continued elevated Hcy level may aggravate chronic post acute withdrawal symptoms to potentiate relapse. Nutrition treatment can reduce or resolve homocysteinemia. The nutrition treatment of homocysteinemia is found to reduce neural death, dementia, depression, neuropathy and aggressive behavior.

Glutamine

Glutamine is a conditionally essential amino acid necessary for energy, nitrogen transport, gut integrity and immune function and plays a role in chemical dependency. Excessive glutamate prevents the metabolism of glutamate to glutamine, decreasing serum levels of glutamine, which is now defined as “glutamine deficiency syndrome.” Glutamate stimulates withdrawal and craving but also lends to increased glutathione and high levels of Homocysteine, both risk factors for drug craving and relapse.

 Glutathione

Glutathione (GSH) is an antioxidant essential for cellular detoxification in the brain. Glutathione is related to neuronal cell death either in inadequate and/or excessive quantities and is related to neurodegenerative disease. Glutathione is a first line defense in the GI tract against drug, alcohol, and toxic substances.

 Eating vegetables and fruit are good food sources of glutathione. Low food sources of glutathione include potatoes, onions, garlic, spices, rice, and bread. These foods do not have much of a protective effect in the gut. Glutathione supplements taken by mouth are usually not effective

N-Acetyl-Cysteine (NAC)

It was shown that NAC reduced the rate of cocaine self-administration among laboratory rats previously allowed to self-administer cocaine in an experiment commonly used to evaluate drug relapse behavior.  Encouraged by these findings, studies utilized N-acetyl-cysteine-containing protocols in humans with cocaine addiction and reduced relapse rates were observed. The ability to reduce cravings with something as safe and well tolerated as an amino acid has generated significant excitement in the medical and scientific communities.  Thus, other models of addiction and compulsive behaviors have experimented with NAC and found benefit. For example, NAC administration has helped to reduce gambling among people with gambling addictions and also reduced hair pulling among patients with trichotillomania. A case report has also been published showing benefit for serotonin reuptake inhibitor- refractory Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). TheaNAC is a novel supplement which combines Theanine and NAC.

Supplemental Ingredient	Restored Brain Chemical	Addictive Substance Abuse	Amino Acid Deficiency Symptoms	Expected Behavior Change
D-Phenylalanine or DL-Phenylalanine	Enkephalins Endorphins	Heroin, Alcohol, Marijuana, Sweets, Starches, Chocolate, Tobacco	Most Reward Deficiency Syndrome (RDS) conditions sensitive to physical or emotional pain. Crave comfort and pleasure. Desire certain food or drugs.	Reward stimulation. Anti-craving. Mild anti-depression. Mild improved energy and focus. D-Phenylalanine promotes pain relief, increases pleasure.
L-Phenylalanine or L-Tyrosine	Norepinephrine Dopamine	Caffeine, Speed, Cocaine, Marijuana, Aspartame, Chocolate, Alcohol, Tobacco, Sweets, Starches	Most Reward Deficiency Syndrome (RDS) conditions. Depression, low energy. Lack of focus and concentration. Attention-deficit disorder.	Reward stimulation. Anti-craving. Anti-depression. Increased energy. Improved mental focus.
L-Tryptophan or 5 hydroxytryptophan (5HTP)	Serotonin	Sweets, Alcohol, Starch, Ecstasy, Marijuana, Chocolate, Tobacco	Low self-esteem. Obsessive/compulsive behaviors. Irritability or rage. Sleep problems. Afternoon or evening cravings. Negativity. Heat intolerance. Fibromyalgia, SAD (winter blues).	Anti-craving. Anti-depression. Anti-insomnia. Improved appetite control. Improvement in all mood and other serotonin deficiency symptoms.
GABA (Gamma-amino butyric acid)	GABA	Valium, Xanax,, Ativan, Klonopin, Alcohol, Marijuana, Tobacco, Sweets, Starches	Feeling of being stressed-out. Nervous. Tense muscles. Trouble relaxing.	Promotes calmness. Promotes relaxation.
L-Glutamine	GABA (mild enhancement) Fuel source for entire brain	Sweets, Starches, Alcohol	Stress. Mood swings. Hypoglycemia.	Anti-craving, anti-stress. Levels blood sugar and mood. GABA (mild enhancement). Fuel source for entire brain.

FOR PARENTS: Becoming An In-Law

What would you do if your adult child had a marital problem and shared his heart? How would you get involved—if at all? Betsy [after her son Jake had shared some serious problems that he was having with his wife] wanted to take Jake in her arms and tell him that everything was going to be all right. She wanted to kiss his knee, like she did when he was eight, and assure him that the pain would go away.
But he wasn’t eight anymore and this pain wasn’t a skinned knee. She knew that she couldn’t solve his marital problems, but she did have a perspective she decided to share with him.

“Jake, I appreciate your telling me this. I know it is serious and is causing you a lot of pain. I also know that in the first year of marriage, many couples have similar problems. Those who make it deal with their problems in a realistic way. The couples who don’t make it are the ones who sweep their problems under the rug, trying to act as if they don’t exist. In reality, the problems just get larger.
“Sharing this with me is a first step. Now I want to encourage you to take a second. I’m not the one to give you marriage counseling, but that’s what you and Jenny need. There is a counselor on our church staff; and I also know two good ones downtown. If money is a problem, Dad and I will be willing to take care of the expense. The important thing is that both of you talk to someone with skills in helping couples work through such difficulties. Don’t let it go on or it will just get worse.”

Jake replied, “I don’t know if she will go for counseling. She would be horrified if she knew I was talking to you about this.”
“Then perhaps you can tell her that you are going for counseling because you must have some help in dealing with your own struggle,” his mother answered, “and that you would like her to go with you. She may go because she wants the counselor to hear her side of the story. But, if she doesn’t, you go alone. At least you will get the process started and she may join you later. Your problem isn’t going to go away by itself, and you need someone to help you work through it.”
Jake agreed, and when he drove home, he felt better than when he came. At least he knew the first step to take.
Jenny was reluctant, but she did go with Jake to the counselor, and in the months that followed they both learned a great deal about how to meet each other’s needs and build an authentic marriage. During the counseling he realized he was failing to meet Jenny’s emotional need for love. She desired quality time with him, but his job was so demanding that she often spent her evenings alone. She had finally decided that she might as well be with her mother as to stay home by herself.
During months of counseling, they came to understand each other better and made some significant changes. Jenny began to respond differently to her parents’ requests, particularly when she and Jake had already made plans. Jake learned how to meet Jenny’s need for love and to make more time for her. They have now been married five years and have a mutually fulfilling relationship.
A NEW TITLE, A NEW RELATIONSHIP: When your child marries, the relationship you have had is bound to change, as you move to embrace his or her spouse. These extended connections can bring you great happiness, or they can rain on your parade. The outcome is partly determined by your response to them.
After your child decides to marry, you acquire a new title: in-law. Not only do you have a son- or daughter-in-law who directly influences your child, but you also become related to people who will indirectly influence your adult child as they continue to influence their own married child. In addition, you may soon have another title: grandparent, and you will share your grandchildren with your son- or daughter-in-law’s parents. And, if your son or daughter chooses to marry someone who already has children, you become instant grandparents.
BETSY’S WISE ADVICE: Thus your response to these new relationships can bring you happiness or heartache, joy or jealousy. Jake’s mother was extremely wise in her responses to Jake’s complaint about Jenny. In her counsel we can find several positive principles on how we parents can respond to the marital difficulties experienced by many young adults.
First, she took the problem seriously. She didn’t brush it off by saying, “Oh, it can’t be that bad. You’re just overreacting. Take her out to dinner and she’ll be all right.” She didn’t say, “Why don’t you just talk to Jenny about this? I’m sure if she realized what you’re feeling, she would change.” Nor did she suggest, “Just give her some time and be patient. I’m sure it will all work out.” The fact is that marital problems don’t “just work out.” Our high divorce statistics are stark reminders that problems unattended get worse. As concerned parents, we should respond to signs of marital problems.
Second, she didn’t take sides. You can become involved without saying one spouse (usually your child) is right and the other is wrong. You don’t have all the facts, and to take sides could alienate the other spouse. Note that Betsy didn’t tell Jake that it was his fault, nor did she blame Jenny. Instead, she remained neutral. Seldom can the responsibility for marital conflict be laid at the feet of one partner; generally, both husband and wife have done and said things to compound the problem. Both need insight into the dynamics of their relationship and then need to learn to take corrective steps in creating a different climate in which their conflicts can be resolved. When parents take sides, they only add to the problems.
Third, she waited until Jake come to her for advice. As a parent, don’t offer advice until you’re asked. Be willing to give counsel, but wait until such counsel is requested. Betsy might have rushed in with suggestions after she first sensed something was wrong. However, had she offered advice then, Jake might have become defensive and then not turned to her later for help. The best guideline is to wait until your married children ask for help. At that point, they are more likely to follow your suggestions.
Fourth, she offered a course of action that was specific and doable. As parents, we can give recommendations, but we should be specific. Depending on the situation, you may recommend professional counseling, seeing a financial planner, or setting up a budget. Betsy recommended counseling; she also removed the possible hurdle of finances by offering to help. While she didn’t force Jake to take action, she told him why she believed it would be wise.
Significantly, Betsy talked with her husband about her conversation with Jake. The two determined that their relationship with the young couple would continue just as it had been. No questions, no blame, no changed attitudes toward Jenny or her parents. Wise parents do not seek to solve the problems of their married children. They are there to make loving suggestions if these are asked for, but they don’t impose themselves on their children’s lives. They give their children space to build their own lives. They allow them the freedom to say no to invitations or requests that conflict with their plans or wishes. They relate to their children in ways that will foster their growth as individuals and as a couple.
As a parent and an in-law, your goal should be to support your child and his or her mate. Welcome your son- or daughter-in-law into the family with open arms. when asked, give advice. You’ll always remain a parent; become a friend.

---

The above article can be found in an expanded version in the book, Parenting Your Adult Child: How You Can Help Them Achieve Their Full Potential by Dr Ross Campbell and Dr Gary Chapman, published by Northfield Publishing. This book helps parents of grown children today face issues unforeseen by previous generations: “nests” that don’t empty, conflicts over lifestyle issues, the need for continued financial support. This can be an invaluable resource for parents of young adults ages 18 to 35, as well as those with older adult children and even grandchildren.

Acceptance is the first step to change

There comes a time in life where there is nothing more you can do. You may not have always done the right things but in certain situations you have come to an end. You need to let matters go and just accept that it is done. Accepting is the only attitude we have that allows us to move forward. You are not responsible for others actions - only your own.

 It is good for you to care what others think but when it comes to someone who can care less about you then what does it matter what they think? Too much time and thought is spent on matters that don't matter. Keep your nose to the ground and focus on yourself and those closest to you - that is our responsibility. Nobody else is going to "make it" for you but you and people will always let you down - never become dependant upon another person or persons. If you are dependant upon another person you are in your own personal prison.

Find yourself and be yourself - not what you think others want you to be but who you are. You will never please everyone and everyone is not going to like you - so what. We are all different and have taken different roads in life. Stop blaming other people. Take the blame yourself - you are where your at right now because of the choices you have made. Remember, acceptance is the first step to change.

The Power Of A Praying Wife

I Don’t Even Like Him—How Can I Pray for Him?

Have you ever been so mad at your husband that the last thing you wanted to do was pray for him? So have I. It’s hard to pray for someone when you’re angry or he’s hurt you. But that’s exactly what God wants us to do. If He asks us to pray for our enemies, how much more should we be praying for the person with whom we have become one and are supposed to love? But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?

The first thing to do is be completely honest with God. In order to break down the walls in our hearts and smash the barriers that stop communication, we have to be totally up front with the Lord about our feelings. We don’t have to “pretty it up” for Him. He already knows the truth. He just wants to see if we’re willing to admit it and confess it as disobedience to His ways. If so, He then has a heart with which He can work.

If you’re angry at your husband, tell God. Don’t let it become a cancer that grows with each passing day. Don’t say, “I’m going to live my life and let him live his.” There’s a price to pay when we act entirely independently of one another. “Neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11).
Instead say:

“Lord, nothing in me wants to pray for this man. I confess my anger, hurt, unforgiveness, disappointment, resentment, and hardness of heart toward him. Forgive me and create in me a clean heart and right spirit before You. Give me a new, positive, joyful, loving, forgiving attitude toward him. Where he has erred, reveal it to him and convict his heart about it. Lead him through the paths of repentance and deliverance. Help me not to hold myself apart from him emotionally, mentally, or physically because of unforgiveness. Where either of us needs to ask forgiveness of the other, help us to do so.
If there is something I’m not seeing that’s adding to this problem, reveal it to me and help me to understand it. Remove any wedge of confusion that has created misunderstanding or miscommunication. Where there is behavior that needs to change in either of us, I pray You would enable that change to happen. As much as I want to hang on to my anger toward him because I feel it’s justified, I want to do what You want. I release all those feelings to You. Give me a renewed sense of love for him and words to heal this situation.”

If you feel you’re able, try this little experiment and see what happens. Pray for your husband every day for a month using each one of the 30 areas of prayer I’ve included in this book. Pray a chapter a day. Ask God to pour out His blessings on him and fill you both with His love. See if your heart doesn’t soften toward him. Notice if his attitude toward you doesn’t change as well. Observe whether your relationship isn’t running more smoothly.
If you have trouble making that kind of prayer commitment, think of it from the Lord’s perspective. Seeing your husband through God’s eyes—not just as your husband, but as God’s child, a son whom the Lord loves—can be a great revelation. If someone called and asked you to pray for his or her son, you would do it, wouldn’t you? Well, God is asking.
There is a time for everything, it says in the Bible. and it ‘s never more true than in marriage, especially when it comes to the words we say. There is a time to speak and a time not to speak, and happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two.
Anyone who has been married for any length of time realizes that there are things that are better left unsaid. A wife has the ability to hurt her husband more deeply than anyone else can, and he can do the same to her. No matter how much apology, the words can not be erased. They can only be forgiven and that’s not always easy. Sometimes anything we say will only hinder the flow of what God wants to do, so it’s best to, well, shut up and pray.

---

The above article came from the book, The Power of a Praying® Wife, by Stormie Omartian.

Stop it!

http://youtu.be/Ow0lr63y4Mw

Sharing builds trust... by Maribeth Jordan

I once had a raccoon come up to the bird feeder at night and eat what dropped on the ground... Every night like clockwork she would be there. I started to throw some food out for her - she would watch me, hesitate and then sneak to go eat it. Soon it became a habit for her to come sit by the bird feeder and wait for me to throw some food. This continued on for about a month....  one night I was so engrossed in a movie I forgot about her.... well she didn't forget about me because to my surprise she was at the glass door standing on her hind legs peering in through the window to see if I was there....:) It got to the point where I could go outside and she would stand right by my feet and take food from my hand.

One night it stopped - no raccoon.  Over the next couple of nights it was the same thing....nights turned into weeks and before I knew it a month had passed and she was simply gone. I couldn't imagine what had happened to her. It was sad and I felt like I had lost a little friend.

One evening my husband and I were grilling steaks out on the back patio and coming up from the back hill was the raccoon and five little ones following her! I was so excited I ran in the house and grabbed a box of peanut butter Captain Crunch to give her and her little ones. Needless to say they loved the cereal and were so excited they were running all around our feet and trying to come into the house form the sliding glass door... they were eating out of our hands and the mama was just sitting back watching this all happen.

There is a point to this story... it is amazing what time in building trust can do. This scared female raccoon who once snook up to the feeder was now bringing her babies for us to feed! I think as humans we think to much.... we let our emotions get in the way of peace, joy and happiness. We want it NOW... sometimes in life it takes time for things to change - circumstances, feelings, trust and so forth. We can learn alot from this raccoon. She proceeded with caution and the good was building in time. With time she got closer and closer.... I kept on feeding her and she kept coming back because it was good for her. We can compare this to how we treat other people. If we have burnt a bridge we can build that bridge back by doing small things that would build trust... being persistent like the raccoon or being faithful to give like me... whether your situation is the "raccoon" or "me"( the persister or the giver) it does take effort and willingness... each one has to be faithful in their part not worrying about the other.... if you know you have been doing/acting right then just wait... lots of little surprises may be just around the corner for you to!

Remember this... sharing builds trust.

Starving for... by Maribeth Jordan

I know this picture is disturbing but it is supposed to be... it shows just how selfish and blind we have become to those in need. If this picture doesn't bother you then I would say your heart has turned cold. The sad part about this message is most will read it, feel bad but do little or nothing to change it because it's "not my problem". Let me say one thing here - we are called to love one another no matter where they are.

I did something yesterday that I was very ashamed of. While driving out of a parking lot I saw a homeless man with a large sack over his back trying to get the attention of a few drivers heading out towards the main road - I was one of those drivers and kept on driving. The excuses started pouring into my mind justifying my actions... "he looked bad, unhealthy, what if he was unsafe" and "I am on a tight schedule today I didn't have time". SO WHAT -would it have hurt for me to stop, roll down my window and see what he wanted? I then knew my selfishness failed a test from God and I immediately asked for forgiveness and began to pray for this man - that was the very least I could do and perhaps the best.

I understand not everyone can financially give to help those less fortunate but we all have the ability to pray for others. Pray prompts the Lord into action... you may not see the action but his promise is to answer prayer. Seek and ye shall find (that's a decision) knock and the door will be opened (that's an action). We have to decide first and then take action.

The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.

A New Year a "good" Beginning... by Maribeth Jordan

January 1 a New Year? Why not May, October or December? Because that's just the way it is and has always been... I overheard this conversation between an adult and a child. Well I'm sure you can guess which one asked the question. A good question it was and a weak response at best. The child brings up a good point - why not any other time for a "New" year. New beginning's are everyday you open your eyes and take another breath. Your thoughts then actions determine your beginnings and ends. Every day your gifted is another chance to choose.

Instead of a wishing you a Happy New Year I thought I would share some wise direction from Proverbs...
There are six things which the Lord hates,
Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:
Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
And hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that run rapidly to evil,
A false witness who utters lies,
And one who spreads strife among brothers.

These words are said to be a guide for us. If we don't do any of these things how would our life be? GOOD! No good can come from bad behavior and no bad can come from good behavior. If you want something good in your life you have to be good in the first place.

So would it now be appropriate to wish you all a GOOD New Year instead of a Happy one? Yes I think so because with the good you will be happy.

Have a "good" New Year my friends...

Maribeth

The fire that burns... by Maribeth Jordan

It is a shame to see some people wrapped up in bitterness and resentment. You can typically see these emotions on ones face and if not, it will soon appear. These emotions are like acid... slowly eating away at your body, mind and soul. Many emotions and illnesses stem from bitterness and resentment. Depression, anxiety, anger/hostility, drug/alcohol addiction, etc... IBS, high blood pressure, migraine headaches, flare ups of many viruses and several cancers.

Why do people create this living hell for themselves? I believe it is an inability to let go and accept. I also believe it is a form of control (or lack of control in the mind). You cannot be bitter and grow spiritually, emotionally or mentally. If you are one suffering from these feelings I would ask you what exactly are you wanting? Can you change that? Many situations cannot be changed because either the offender has passed away or hurt another person so badly they suffer scars either physically or emotionally. If a situation cannot be changed you still can be cut free from these entangling feelings by accepting your situation.

If a person has passed that you are bitter with I recommend you visiting the grave site.... simply have your time to talk without interruption. If the person is alive and you simply cannot face that person then ask yourself if it is worth stewing over if he/she is not in your life... if they are a part of your life/family and he/she is unavoidable and you are the one who holds the bitterness and resentment then you my friend have to pick yourself up by your boot straps and face the giant... whether it's your fault or not. The only way to put a fire out is to address it or it will burn until it' finished and die out - a slow death.

To address a situation that you feel is not your fault is not weak as many may think - it is in fact the strong one who approaches. To be bitter and full of resentment is allowing another person and or a situation to control your mind... you are simply giving your power and strength away.

There is NO situation worth these emotions - NONE, whether it be murder, rape, divorce, etc... Yield to the attitudes we are commanded to have. Love, kindness, patience towards one another. We are to forgive 70x7 and that simply means there is no limit. Think of it this way, if someone has hurt you so badly how sad for that person that they had to be this way... you can NOT be a happy person and hurt another no matter what. To hurt another person is selfish and selfishness is simply fear. Remember hurt people hurt people... it is as simple as that. Stop hurting yourself and forgive that person who hurt you simply because we are commanded to do so and because we are forgiven of all of our sins - great and small. Letting go is not forgetting, it is freeing yourself to blossom into the beautiful flower.. and beautiful flowers bring joy to others!

Just when you think your problems are big.... by Maribeth Jordan

I had a customer come into my store last Sunday looking for a supplement to help his wife's hot flashes. As I walked him to the location of where they were he proceeded to tell me his wife has stage 4 breast cancer so he didn't want the supplement to aggravate that any further. I noticed he was very distraught (understandably so) and found him something that would work naturally for her without aggravating the estrogen levels and the cancer. He got a phone call while looking at the item so I left him alone and continued on with my work. After a few minutes past I heard his voice thanking me from down the aisle and heading towards the door. I asked him if the supplement I choose for him would work and he said his wife wanted to check with her doctor because she was afraid to take anything at this point. I asked how she was doing and my customer said "Vicki is not doing so well, after removing 18 lymph nodes and chemotherapy the cancer has come back and at this point there is nothing left anyone can do". He started to cry....

He then proceeded to tell me right before her diagnoses he lost his job and they did not have health insurance so this cancer has done more damage financially, emotionally and mentally then he could ever imagine.... the bank wants their house back. I asked for his name since he told me his wife's name... Robert, he said. Robert told me he has been married to Vicki for 30 years and that she was his best friend. He told me in 30 years he had never lied to her and when the sheriffs dept came to his house to serve him his eviction papers from the bank he didn't have the heart to tell her why. Vicki asked why the sheriffs dept was at their house and he told her it was for a neighborhood watch.... he told me that lie is eating him up inside and he just couldn't tell her they are losing their home while she is dying.

Robert said he could care less about the house, it was Vicki he was concerned with... he said, "I don't know what I'm going to do without her". As tears continued to fall from his eyes I felt his pain, fear, and isolation... he continues to tell me his mother died two months earlier and his father nine months earlier from that. This man has lost two parents and is in the process of losing his wife and home all in one year - ugghhhh.

After talking for a while longer I asked Robert to come back soon and let me know how things are. I told him I would (and am still doing) pray for both of them. After he left I was so overwhelmed with emotion I stepped off the floor to "breath".

I have heard all sorts of "problems" from my customers about this holiday season...I myself have complained about some things, but after listening to Robert it makes all of life's trivial matters worthless. There is always someone else with much worse circumstances. We must be thankful for what we have and give to those who don't have... that being time or resources. Let's face it, we will all cross the bridge of "circumstances". Many of us are on that bridge and many will never make it across. Start building a solid bridge now so that when your time comes the foundation on which you stand will be firm.

All the money in the world couldn't save Steve Jobs and it won't save Vicki... The trials we face may differ but because they are personal to each one of us they are painful and you cannot buy strength or peace... just remember they are a gift from the Lord - but only for those who know Him. The verse I gave Robert was Romans 8:28. You may think your strong now but just want until the storm hits - will you be ready?

Please pray for this couple - Robert and Vicki

Stone Soup

Many years ago three soldiers, hungry and weary of battle, came upon a small village. The villagers, suffering a meager harvest and the many years of war, quickly hid what little they had to eat and met the three at the village square, wringing their hands and bemoaning the lack of anything to eat.

The soldiers spoke quietly among themselves and the first soldier then turned to the village elders. "Your tired fields have left you nothing to share, so we will share what little we have: the secret of how to make soup from stones."

Naturally the villagers were intrigued and soon a fire was put to the town's greatest kettle as the soldiers dropped in three smooth stones. "Now this will be a fine soup", said the second soldier; "but a pinch of salt and some parsley would make it wonderful!" Up jumped a villager, crying "What luck! I've just remembered where some's been left!" And off she ran, returning with an apronful of parsley and a turnip. As the kettle boiled on, the memory of the village improved: soon barley, carrots, beef and cream had found their way into the great pot, and a cask of wine was rolled into the square as all sat down to feast.

They ate and danced and sang well into the night, refreshed by the feast and their new-found friends. In the morning the three soldiers awoke to find the entire village standing before them. At their feet lay a satchel of the village's best breads and cheese. "You have given us the greatest of gifts: the secret of how to make soup from stones", said an elder, "and we shall never forget." The third soldier turned to the crowd, and said: "There is no secret, but this is certain: it is only by sharing that we may make a feast". And off the soldiers wandered, down the road.

Memories Of The Mississippi by Deborah Rogers

After Mom died, Dad and I took a trip together every summer. Just the two of us, father and daughter. This was especially meaningful because Dad was aging and we lived two thousand miles apart - so a week with Dad, undistracted from other family members or from work was a treat.

Our first destination was a cruise up the Mississippi. We boarded the steamboat in St. Louis and noticed that we were some of the youngest people on the cruise! Even Dad, at 73 looked young! We sat in rocking chairs on the deck, the warm breeze blowing on our faces, admiring the lush green trees lining the mighty river. A jazz band played in the background.

On the deck we met John, who met the love of his life at a singles dance for senior citizens and asked her to marry him two weeks later. It’s John’s first marriage at sixty-five. Then there was Jane, a teacher from Little Rock, Arkansas who danced with Bill Clinton decades ago at a school fundraiser. Sometimes on the deck Dad and I sat quietly, reading.

At lunchtime we stood in line for the buffet. People asked if Dad was my brother! Amazing for our thirty-eight-year age difference! Dad filled his plate with bread, meats, and cheeses to make a sandwich. The most important ingredient to any sandwich was mayonnaise. Dad loved mayonnaise! Anything else between two pieces of bread was extra fillings.

After lunch we docked at Alton, Missouri. This small town was home to dozens and dozens of antique shops. Dad, with little interest in shopping or antiques (although he’s almost an antique himself) walked in and out of shop after shop. We walked up the hill, down the hill, and through the old town. We walked all day. It was the longest time I ever spent shopping with Dad. He was a good sport to come along, simply to spend time with me.

Each day blended together like the last, until seven days passed. On the seventh day we reached Minnesota, the top of the Mississippi, and my home, Minneapolis. Dad saw my house for the first time and met my two cats, Coconut and Coffee Bean. Coconut sat on his lap and purred. The two became quick friends.

This was the first of many trips we planned together, but unfortunately, it would be our last. Dad died a few months later from being hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street in his home town of Sacramento California. What made this trip special was our time together, the two of us. I had grown from the teenager embarrassed to be with Dad to the adult cherishing our time together. I'll always treasure these memories of my father, and be proud of who I have become.

The Pretty One by Roger Dean Kiser

It had been a very long night. Our black cocker spaniel 'Precious' was having a difficult delivery. I lay on the floor beside her large four-foot square cage, watching her every movement. Watching and waiting, just in case I had to rush her to the veterinarian.

After six hours the puppies started to appear. The first-born was black and white. The second and third puppies were tan and brown in color. The fourth and fifth were also spotted black and white. "One, two, three, four, five," I counted to myself as I walked down the hallway to wake my wife, Judy, and tell her that everything was fine.

As we walked back down the hallway and into the spare bedroom, I noticed a sixth puppy had been born and was now laying all by itself over to the side of the cage. I picked up the small puppy and laid it on top of the large pile of puppies, who were whining and trying to nurse on the mother. Precious immediately pushed the small puppy away from rest of the group. She refused to recognize it as a member of her family.

"Something's wrong," said Judy.

I reached over and picked up the puppy. My heart sank inside my chest when I saw the little puppy had a cleft lip and palate and could not close its little mouth. I decided right there and then that if there was any way to save this animal I was going to give it my best shot.

I took the puppy to the vet and was told nothing could be done unless we were willing to spend about a thousand dollars to try and correct the defect. He told us that the puppy would die mainly because it could not suckle. After returning home, Judy and I decided that we could not afford to spend that kind of money without getting some type of assurance from the vet that the puppy had a chance to live. However, that did not stop me from purchasing a syringe and feeding the puppy by hand. Which I did every day and night, every two hours, for more than ten days. The little puppy survived and learned to eat on his own as long as it was soft canned food.

The fifth week I placed an ad in the newspaper, and within a week we had people interested in all of the pups, except the one with the deformity. Late one afternoon I went to the store to pick up a few groceries. Upon returning I happened to see the old retired schoolteacher, who lived across the street from us, waving at me. She had read in the paper that we had puppies and was wondering if she might get one from us for her grandson and his family. I told her all the puppies had found homes, but I would keep my eyes open for anyone else who might have an available cocker spaniel. I also mentioned that if someone should change their mind, I would let her know. Within days, all but one of the puppies had been picked up by their new families. This left me with one brown and tan cocker as well as the smaller puppy with the cleft lip and palate.

Two days passed without me hearing anything from the gentleman who had been promised the tan and brown pup. I telephoned the schoolteacher and told her I had one puppy left and that she was welcome to come and look at it. She advised me that she was going to pick up her grandson and would come over at about eight o'clock that evening.

That night at around seven-thirty, Judy and I were eating supper when we heard a knock on the front door. When I opened the door, the man who had wanted the tan and brown pup was standing there. We walked inside, took care of the adoption details and I handed him the puppy. Judy and I did not know what we would do or say when the teacher showed up with her grandson. At exactly eight o'clock the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and there was the schoolteacher with her grandson standing behind her. I explained to her the man had come for the puppy after all, and there were no puppies left. "I'm sorry, Jeffery. They found homes for all the puppies," she told her grandson.

Just at that moment, the small puppy left in the bedroom began to yelp.

"My puppy! My puppy!" yelled the little boy as he ran out from behind his grandmother.

I just about fell over when I saw that the small child also had a cleft lip and palate. The boy ran past me as fast as he could, down the hallway to where the puppy was still yelping. When the three of us made it to the bedroom, the small boy was holding the puppy in his arms. He looked up at his grandmother and said, "Look, Grandma. They found homes for all the puppies except the pretty one, and he looks just like me.”

The schoolteacher turned to us, "Is this puppy available?"

“Yes,” I answered. “That puppy is available.”

The little boy, who was now hugging the puppy, chimed in, "My grandma told me these kind of puppies are real expensive and that I have to take real good care of it."

The lady opened her purse, but I reached over and pushed her hand back down into her purse so that she would not pull her wallet out. "How much do you think this puppy is worth?" I asked the boy. "About a dollar?" "No. This puppy is very, very expensive," he replied.

"More than a dollar?" I asked.

"I'm afraid so," said his grandmother.

The boy stood there pressing the small puppy against his cheek. "We could not possibly take less than two dollars for this puppy," Judy said, squeezing my hand. "Like you said, it's the pretty one."

The schoolteacher took out two dollars and handed it to the young boy.

"It's your dog now, Jeffery. You pay the man."

Still holding the puppy tightly, the boy proudly handed me the money. Any worries I’d had about the puppy’s future were gone.

The image of the little boy and his matching pup stays with me still. I think it must be a wonderful feeling for any young person to look at themselves in the mirror and see nothing, except "the pretty one."

Living With a Passive-Aggressive Man.... Dr. David B. Hawkins

The passive-aggressive man is a confusion creator, and if you remain “hooked,” you will spin around in that cycle of confusion as well. He remembers things different from you and if you try to get him to see “the truth,” you’ll be hooked in his world of confusion. He twists the facts, rewrites history to put a positive spin on his behavior. This, however, makes you feel crazy. So, how are you going to stay clear, calm and connected with a passive-aggressive man? It will not be easy, but it can be done. You must master a few strategies.

First, understand passive-aggression. You cannot remain clear and calm if you don’t understand what is happening. If you remain reactive, you’ll be dancing from one encounter to another. Notice what is happening. When and where do you get hooked? What does he say that provokes you into snapping back aggressively? Notice these patterns and determine to remain clear about what is happening.
Second, determine to be active, not reactive. Choose how you will respond to him. In the face of his passive-aggressive actions, choose to be clear with him. Let him know how you see things. Refuse to get into a power struggle with him. Don’t try to change his mind or make him see things the way you see them. Be in charge of yourself, knowing what is true for you.
Third, keep agreements simple and doable. Create agreements that are likely to be kept by him. Choose your battles carefully. It is far better to have a simple life, with simple agreements, than try to enforce complex agreements that he will sabotage.
Fourth, maintain clear and firm boundaries. Don’t allow him to manipulate your point of view. Seek specific agreements, even writing them down for clarity. Reiterate those agreements with him to ensure clarity. When he violates boundaries, which he will do, state your feelings clearly and consistently.
Finally, celebrate modest victories. Understand you cannot make him do anything. However, you can introduce accountability into the relationship. Clarify how his behavior impacts you, asking for exactly what you need. Notice how even small victories create a positive connection with him.

They're Singing Your Song

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows
she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness
with a few friends and together they pray and
meditate until they hear the song of the child.
They recognize that every soul has its own vibration
that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. When
the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. 
Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone
else.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child's song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child's song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come
together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song.

Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person's bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

To the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community
form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.

The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn't. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well.

You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you'll find your way home.