What is the cost of respect?

Where has all the common sense gone? I was washing my car and just when I was almost finished a woman pulls in the area I was using to vacuum her car out... It was obvious my car was heading that way next as it was facing that direction. There were more empty spaces available without cars in the washing port but she decided to choose one that was being used. Either she's rude, stupid or inconsiderate... or all three.

That isn't very nice to think those things huh... but you can't help it sometimes. I walked up to this woman and asked her if she could please use another vacuum as I was just about to pull forward. She looked at me with shock and a bit of an attitude and said well the one next to me is broken... well how about the other ten that are not I thought. After she explained her non-sense she implied she would move to another. Satisfied I returned to my car and got in and started the engine anticipating to pull forward. I was shocked and disturbed when I watched her unload her "junk" as if I wasn't there and we never had our recent conversation! Well I was tempted to get back out of the car and pull my Italian sided temper on her... then thought twice as my daughter was in the car. What restraint I had which is very unusual for me. The visions of violence flashed through my head of what I wanted to do to this woman. Even my thoughts of speech were thwarted. Sure I sat and stared at this woman who I determined was a spoiled bi*** with an attitude of entitlement planning my next move which I can assure you from past experience would not have been good. Just as my thoughts were racing I received a disturbing text message from someone close. It distracted me so I forgot about "Satan's daughter".

In an instant the new issue at hand had become more important, changing my emotions and train of thought. I pulled out and parked in the next vacuum port. I suddenly surprised myself on how taking the high road (inadvertently, but still) had been the more mature thing to do  - leading by example. Sure I glanced over at her hopefully making my point but when I did I saw and felt anger, irritability, sadness and so forth in this woman. She was an unhappy woman and ya know most rude people are just that - unhappy and angry.

 To respect another human being takes time. It would have taken some time and bit of inconvenience to move her car... she choose not to for whatever multiple reasons but one thing is for sure, she was "darkened" and she left that for her son who was present in the vehicle to witness and in turn "learn".

"Winning" is not causing another displeasure people. If you have to "show" or "get" or "make" someone then it is you who is the loser. They will never learn from that behavior and if they happen to move in the direction you want during those times it will most likely be out of fear, which again, will never teach or show another human being how to respect.

Society today has lost most respect for other people. We live in a selfish society of it's all about me. To shine is to give... it may be your time, your money, your talents, whatever... but please know it's not all about you. The most remembered man in the world and the most highly respected man in the world taught these things:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
   ²³Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
The only sure way to "win" in any area of our lives is to practice these behaviors. When is the last time you were annoyed or had contempt for an individual who lived in such ways? Now think of the opposite... It's easy to dis-like or hate people with nasty behaviors and attitudes but you are the one who feels the effects of those emotions more so than the person they were intended for. Do yourself a favor and be an example of what you want from other people. If you "hate" someone just turn that hate into pity... they are only acting coarsely because they hurt from something or somebody - what a miserable life. The pity will eventually soften you to the point of gratitude - in many things.

Nasty people are miserable people - period! I was delighted I took the high road instead of what I wanted to do... which by the way would have just created a pool of negative, hurting and bitter words and feelings no matter what the outcome - nobody would have "won" or taught anybody a thing and we would have taught our children that this is the way to handle issues in society. I left content with my clean suburban and hopefully taught her a thing or two about respect for other human beings... and a little about time (it took me 15 seconds to move my truck) hahaa.. maybe or maybe not but no harm was done and my daughter now knows a little on how to control blood pressure..:)

Why Some Spouses Give Up

The following story is a parable meant to be used as an imaging tool. It’s not meant to give a spouse who is ready to give up on a marriage an excuse to do so. It can however, give the abandoned spouse a better understanding as to why their spouse may have decided to leave their marriage when they did.
More importantly however, this parable is meant to be used as a “wake-up call” to those spouses who are asleep to the fact that they’ve been neglecting their family. And if they don’t come to that realization and do something to drastically reverse their neglectful behavior immediately — they may wake up one morning to find themselves alone without a family to care for and spend time with.
Read the following edited story with an open mind and heart as to what the author Andy Stanley is trying to tell those who think their family should keep understanding why they spend so much time away from them. Pastor Stanley writes:
Use your imagination for just a moment. Imagine that your best friend walks up to you in your front yard one Saturday and asks you to do him a favor. You have some free time, and so you agree to do it. He walks over to his car, opens the trunk, and produces a thirty-pound rock.
Now here’s where you’re really going to have to use your imagination: At this point he hands you the rock and says, “I really need you to stand here with this rock until I return.” He explains why it’s important that you stand in that one spot with the rock and promises to return shortly to retrieve it. It’s a strange request, and his explanation doesn’t make a lot of sense, but this is someone you trust, so you agree. At this point he thanks you with extreme gratitude and then gets into his car and drives away.
An hour goes by. And what started out as a reasonable favor is beginning to get a little hard. But after all, this is your best friend, so you resign yourself to continue on and stand there. Another hour goes by and your arms are starting to ache. Everything in you wants to sit down, but you made a promise. Then suddenly, to your relief, your friend pulls in the driveway, jumps out of the car, and runs in your direction. You’re so relieved. If you weren’t holding the rock, you’d hug him.
But your joy is quickly crushed. Instead of relieving you of your burden he says, “I told you I was coming right back. But I need to run one more quick errand. If you’ll keep holding the rock, I’ll make it up to you when I return.” Once again, you trust that what you’re told is true. If your friend needs to run one more errand before relieving you that is just the way it is. So you agree. As he turns to go you can’t help but yell out, “Please hurry.” Off your friend goes and there you stand.
Another hour goes by. The sun begins to set. Your muscles are aching to be able to drop the rock. But you refuse to give in. You’re committed to holding up your part of what you promised. Besides, your friend said he’d make it up to you. You aren’t sure what that means, but it must be something good. Thirty minutes later a car pulls up in the driveway. Someone you don’t know is driving. This person walks over and informs you that your friend has been delayed. “Would you mind holding the rock for just a little while longer?” he asks.
You experience a mixture of pain and anger. You manage to mutter, “Just tell him to hurry.”
Away the person goes and there you stand. It’s dark now. The streets are empty. The neighbors are at their windows watching you stand there, wondering why you’d put up with being treated like that by a “friend.”
Another hour goes by. You begin to lose your grip. Your arms begin to fall. You tell yourself to hold on, but your body just won’t respond. Down goes the rock. And just as it hits the pavement and breaks into a hundred pieces, your friend pulls up in the driveway. He jumps out of the car, runs over with a look of panic on his face, and says, “What happened? Did it slip? Did somebody knock it out of your hands? Did you change your mind?” And as he looks for an explanation as to why you suddenly dropped the rock, you know that it was a long time coming.
Now let me explain what happened in terms that will help us later on. Your mental willingness was overcome by your physical exhaustion. You wanted to do what you were asked to do, but after awhile you just couldn’t do it anymore. Add to that the frustration of being misled about how long you’d have to stand there. But even if the aggravation is put aside, at some point you just weren’t going to be able to keep holding on. No amount of love, dedication, commitment, or selflessness was going to be able to make up for the fact that your arms were worn out.
Now, let’s add another element to that story: You’re about to pass out from exhaustion. And finally a car pulls up in the driveway. You’re so angry and in so much pain you know you’ll have to choose your words carefully. Sure enough, it’s your friend. He walks over slowly with one hand behind his back. He forces a smile and says, “I brought you something.”
Suddenly he brings out from behind his back a bouquet of flowers. At that point you don’t just drop the rock; you find within yourself just enough strength to throw it at him! As he ducks, he exclaims, “What was that all about? I bought you flowers, didn’t I?”
Now, I probably don’t need to apply my little parable. The meaning is pretty obvious. So at the risk of insulting your intelligence, let me be painfully specific:

• When we ask our husbands and wives to carry their load as well as ours, it’s like handing them a rock.

• When we’re absent at critical junctures in family life, they’re left holding the rock.

• When we find ourselves pointing to the future to somehow make up for the past and the present, they’re holding the rock.

• When we assure our families that things are going to change and they don’t, they’re holding the rock.

The interesting thing is that they always accept it. And why not? They love us. They trust us. Besides, we always reassure them that they’ll only have to hold it for a short time.
Everybody is willing to be “understanding” when a loved one needs to neglect the family as a top priority for a reasonable period of time. And in real life, taking time away from the family because of job responsibilities is sometimes unavoidable. But when they’re left to carry a load of neglect they were never created to carry in the first place—it’s just a matter of time before things will begin to unravel.
There’s a point at which that mental willingness isn’t enough to hang on. With a literal rock, mental willingness is eventually overcome by physical exhaustion. With an imaginary rock, mental willingness is eventually overtaken by emotional exhaustion. And when that happens, the rocks come tumbling down.
There’s always a final straw: a comment, a phone call, a tired explanation, a no-show, a forgotten birthday, or a missed game. Some little thing that pushes those we love past their ability to hold on. And to the uniformed, unsuspecting spouse —to the husband or wife who has lived with the fantasy that everything is just fine-it seems like a huge overreaction. They think: ”All I said was.” ”All I did was.”
But it wasn’t the moment. It wasn’t the phone call. It wasn’t the fact that the big hand on the clock was on the six instead of the twelve. It was weeks, months, or possibly years of waiting for things to change. The rock finally slipped out of their calloused hands.
When the rock drops, you’ll do everything in your power to pick it up and piece it back together. You’ll find the time to devote to fixing the problem. But in my experience, when the rock drops, there is always some permanent damage. Most rocks can’t be put back together again.
Do you know what your family wants from you more than anything else? They want to feel accepted. In practical terms, they want to feel like they are your priority.
“But they are my priority,” you might argue. That may be true. They may be your priority in your heart, but that’s not the point. They want to feel like your priority. It’s not enough for them to be your priority. They must feel like it.
I’ll never forget discussing this point with a very busy corporate vice president. He kept assuring me of how much he loved his wife and kids. Finally I interrupted him and said, “The problem is, you love your family in your heart, but you don’t love them in your schedule. They can’t see your heart — they only know your schedule.”
Keep in mind that the chief indicator to your family of where you place your loyalty is time. It’s what you put on our calendar. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives your time.
Are there time-consuming bridges you need to burn? Are there accounts at work you need to hand off? Are there some out-of-town meetings that need to be handled on the phone? Is there an offer you need to refuse? A promotion you need to give back? Once you’ve made up your mind to make your family more of a priority, it will become all too clear what stands in the way of your being able to focus on your commitment to re-prioritize.
So what is your non-negotiable? What does it look like? Does it mean leaving the office everyday at 5:30, regardless? Does it mean never missing one of your children’s performances or ball games? What does the commitment look like in your world?
Again promising to do “better” won’t get it. You’ve already done that. That terminology doesn’t even register with your family. They’ve heard that before.

The above article came from the book, Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? written by Andy Stanley, published by Thomas Nelson Publishers. As Dr John Maxwell says about this book (which we agree): ”This is a life-changing book and extremely relevant to our modern way of life. Author Andy Stanley confronts us with truth and transparency. Just as he had made a commitment in his own life to balance his family time with his work, he encourages us to make similar commitments. One of the main reasons it is life changing is because a godly man who makes choices in his own life to never sacrifice his family for success has written it. If he wins the world but loses his family, what has he gained? Every couple, every parent, and every leader needs to read this book and consider the question: Who wins when my family and work collide?” This book presents a strategic plan for resolving the tension between work and home. You’ll find ways to deal with the busyness that wreaks havoc with the relationships you consider most important.”

"I Don't want to get in the middle"

I have heard this recently.... what does this mean  -  "I don't want to get in the middle"... to me it's a cop out. If you know both parties and have gotten involved by being present in one or both of the parties lives then I hate to say it but you are in the middle. Now I'm not talking just friendship, I am talking about crossing the line of being part of the initial problem, possibly inadvertently, but still a part - that is when you ARE in the middle.

The best thing you can do when this situation arises is to listen. Saying you don't want to get in the middle suggests you don't have time and the person you are speaking to is not important... when in actuality you are in avoidance mode. Third parties can be a help to certain situations and before you decide to bale do think about lending your ear. Time is the most important gift we can give to another human being.

Listening is when we become wise... Any person who is incapable of listening is incapable of growth. These types of people will never help nor support you - these are the people who use the phrase "I don't want to get in the middle of things".

If someone is speaking to you, listen... If someone is asking your advice, give it... If someone needs your help, do the best you can. All of these things involve time for another and in time we grow. It doesn't matter how old you are you never stop growing until the day you die. Think of it this way - If you were never in the middle of anything you would only have one view.

Ham and Potato Soup

Ingredients

• 3 1/2 cups peeled and diced potatoes
• 1/3 cup diced celery
• 1/3 cup finely chopped onion
• 3/4 cup diced cooked ham
• 3 1/4 cups water
• 2 tablespoons chicken bouillon granules
• 1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste
• 1 teaspoon ground white or black pepper, or to taste
• 5 tablespoons butter
• 5 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 cups milk

Directions

1. Combine the potatoes, celery, onion, ham and water in a stockpot. Bring to a boil, then cook over medium heat until potatoes are tender, about 10 to 15 minutes. Stir in the chicken bouillon, salt and pepper.
2. In a separate saucepan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Whisk in flour with a fork, and cook, stirring constantly until thick, about 1 minute. Slowly stir in milk as not to allow lumps to form until all of the milk has been added. Continue stirring over medium-low heat until thick, 4 to 5 minutes.
3. Stir the milk mixture into the stockpot, and cook soup until heated through. Serve immediately.

I hope you dance

We had a lovely Easter yesterday. It was my first Easter without my dad so I thought of him throughout the day. My dad loved Easter and the meal that went with it! While my husband was cutting the ham I could just see my dad taking a few pieces to "sample" before it hit the table. Memories of last Easter kept flooding my mind as I was preparing Easter dinner... my dad getting punch, my dad joking around with me in the kitchen while I prepared the food, my dad making kielbasa, etc.. I really missed him this Easter!

My mother came for Easter with her sister Joyce. They each brought food due to the fact I was not intending to have Easter this year... I was going to the beach to sit a stare at the ocean and oh yeah, go see Charles Stanley! We changed our plans and decided to stay here so we could be here for my mother who would be "alone" this Easter (without dad). We will still go to the beach and see Charles - tonight... can't wait to leave. Anyway, back to my story.. those two sisters can really make some great food! My mother brought green bean casserole and scalloped potatoes and my Aunt Joyce brought pineapple casserole and her famous Jewish brownies - those have got to be my favorite! Together they brought an Easter cake, rolls, lots of candy for the kids and a beautiful Easter plant for me. Steve and I made the Ham and my famous Easter cornbread casserole. The day was perfect and jazz played in the background. We spent most of our time on our screen porch drinking ice-tea... I made a good chai iced. For those two, they spent a lot of time reminiscing about old times. They had a good childhood. There mother is full Italian and their father was full Russian.. oh the stories! Another time, another blog...

Since I saved the ham bone with lots of ham still on the bone I will be making and sharing a ham soup recipe with you all... later this week. If you still have your ham bone or leftover ham, save it for this recipe.... you will love it!

I am looking forward to the beach... there is something about the ocean at night which I adore. The strength of the ocean makes you realize just how "small" you are in this world. Here is a clip from a song that I like and think it's appropriate to list here:

 I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance...
I hope you dance…

Take care everyone...

Easter Peeps

The History of Everybody's Favorite Candy

During the Easter season, Americans will enjoy an estimated 700 million Peeps, that sweet marshmallow candy shaped like a chick or bunny. With those kinds of numbers, it's no wonder Peeps are billed as America's favorite candy.

Are you a Peeps fan? Have you ever been curious about Peeps history? Where they came from and how they developed into the ultimate Easter treat? Just read on!

Nearly a century ago, a young Russian-born man named Sam Born was living in France, where he learned the fine art of chocolate making. Sam immigrated to the United States in 1910. Seven years later, he opened a small candy shop in New York City, where he not only sold sweets, but made them, too.

As Born's operations outgrew his store, he moved his company, by then coined Just Born, out of New York City to Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

That's right: Bethlehem! First, the birthplace of Easter's superstar, and then (much) later, the site of the most popular treat eaten in his honor.

In the mid 1950s, Just Born acquired another company that had invented a three-dimensional marshmallow mold that turned out Easter chicks and bunnies, called Peeps. With some fine-tuning of their assembly line and clever marketing, Born had an Easter hit on his hands.

But why was the chick and rabbit so appealing? How did those particular animals-albeit sugary ones-so quickly become adopted as the symbols for Easter?

Interestingly, Just Born was based in Pennsylvania, which was also home to America's largest community of German immigrants who are largely credited with popularizing the Easter Bunny tradition in America.

In the 19th century, German children would eagerly await the arrival of the Oschter Haws, a rabbit who delighted children on Easter morning by laying colored eggs in nests. The Germans expanded this tradition into the Easter egg basket, delivered by a hopping bunny.

While the symbolism of the Easter bunny might be rather obvious, the chick question requires one to dig a little deeper. And to ask the perennial question: Which came first? The chicken? Or the egg?

Historians have long speculated that the egg was actually a Pagan symbol of fertility and rebirth, first associated with ancient equinox festivals, whose traditions were later folded into the Christian Easter. It stands to reason, then, that the chick would be a natural byproduct of this egg-y fertility.

The Easter Lily

The Easter Lily, also known by its Latin name Lilium longiflorum, has become the traditional Easter flower. With all the different flowers available in the spring garden, it is this beautiful, white flower, that has come to symbolize the spiritual values of Easter: purity, life and renewel. The flower's trumpet shape is a reminder of the heralding of Jesus, returning triumphant to Jerusalem.

The History of the Easter Lily
Native to Japan, Easter Lilies were imported to the United States until 1941, when World War II prompted Americans to start growing their own bulbs.

Today, nearly all of the 15 million Easter Lily bulbs grown in America are produced by just ten farms along the California-Oregon border. The bulbs are harvested in the fall, and then shipped to commercial greenhouses in Michigan, California, Pennsylvania and Ohio, where they are planted in time to bloom for Easter.

Easter Lilies are the fourth largest selling potted plant in America, upstaged by the popular Christmas-time poinsettias, mums and azaleas.

The Easter Connection

According to Biblical scholars, the Easter Lily was found growing in the Garden of Gethsemane where Judas is said to have betrayed Jesus. Legend tells that white lilies miraculously sprung up from the ground where drops of Jesus' sweat and tears fell during his last hours.

The Easter Lily also has close associations with Jesus' mother, the Virgin Mary. In early religious paintings, the Archangel Gabriel is pictured extending a branch of white lilies to Mary, symbolizing that she had become the virgin mother to the savior.

Today, many churches use large bouquets of lilies to adorn their alters and crosses during the Easter season.

Taking Care of Your Easter Lily

To keep your Easter Lilies fresh and fragrant for as long as possible, purchase potted plants with flowers at various stages of opening and with abundant, dark green foliage. As the flowers open and mature, pinch off the yellow anthers before the pollen sheds. The yellow pollen will stain the other white flowers. Once a mature flower has started to wither, you may cut it off at the base to better showcase the new buds.

Easter lilies thrive in moderately cool temperatures (no higher than 65 degrees Fahrenheit) and enjoy bright, but indirect natural sunlight. Keep soil moist and well-drained. Avoid over-watering. Remove any decorative wrappings or coverings, which can trap standing water in the pot.

You can expect your potted Easter Lily to bloom for 1-3 weeks around the Easter holiday. Despite its name, the natural bloom for the Easter Lily is actually during the summer. Under controlled greenhouse conditions, the lily is brought to an early bloom in time for Easter. If you want to continue to enjoy your lily for years to come, try planting the bulb and remaining greenery in your garden after the flowering is finished. Subsequent blooms will occur naturally in the summer.