It's not what to seek, it's who...

Which is better - Prosperity or Peace? The majority of the population chose prosperity.... no surprise. Why do we live in a society that constantly seeks "things" and beauty? I guess another question would be which is better - Inner Beauty or Outer Beauty?

I will keep this brief... when you die you take NOTHING with you... when you age you lose most of your physical beauty. To seek after the inevitable is living an unsettled life, throwing your peace out the window. I'm not saying it's bad to be prosperous, in fact it's a blessing (a gift) and very few know how to use it. For most, it's destructive in one form or another... when we have everything we seek nothing. When we seek nothing we stop growing/learning. Did I contradict myself? I'm sure your thinking we seek to prosper and then to find peace... not at all. When we seek to prosper WE fail eventually. We seek in the wrong areas. We must first seek the LORD and HE will make your ways prosperous. The ways of the Lord are peace in ALL things.

 John 14:27

New International Version (NIV)

²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 16:33

New International Version (NIV)

   ³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Proverbs 17:1

New International Version (NIV)

 ¹ Better a dry crust with peace and quiet
   than a house full of feasting, with strife.

Galatians 5:22
New International Version (NIV)
 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Don't Waste Time by Judging Others - it's NOT your job... by Maribeth Jordan

How many times have you been judged for someone else's actions? You know, from a close friend or family member pointing the finger at you because someone close to you chose to do wrong. Judgement from another human being is NOT valid. Judgements are usually biased, made without all facts, and a simple case of fear and insecurity. The old statement holds true... walk a mile in my shoes....

When we overlook the "offender of action" and blame someone close to him/her we are not only excusing their behavior but enabling them to continue by inadvertently blaming another for their actions. Why do people do this? Usually because the offender is weak and does not exhibit the strength to change OR because the "judge" in this case is to weak to confront and it is much easier to blame... a couple more are - jealousy and just plain ignorance!

Most people in this situation find themselves segregated from friends or family... let me say this - If that is your situation then don't fight it. If your not worthy to be around certain people because of someone else's judgements then that is NOT time you want to spend anyway. That is their problem and if they don't think so it's because they are not mature. Maturity is LOVE and ACCEPTANCE and if that isn't being exhibited in your case then consider yourself fortunate that you don't have to spend valued time with someone immature.

Lastly, we can all learn from another... nobody is above reproach. When people make mistakes whether it being the individual themselves or a close friend or family member to the "offender" don't make hasty decisions, don't cast them out, DON'T JUDGE! These people can become someone great whether you think so or not no matter how old, uneducated, poor, mean, etc... example:

Moses was 80 and a murderer before GOD used him and he became a great leader of people. Noah drank to much. Peter denied the LORD three times. Paul was a murderer of Christians before GOD used him. David was an adulterer. Jonah was rebellious and ran from GOD... the list goes on.... these men were all GREAT men of the LORD that he used for GREAT things!

My point, Anybody can be used for great things and it starts with LOVE and ACCEPTANCE after forgiveness (if need be). Even the bum on the street, the drug addict or prostitute can teach us something - possibly different for each person but something. It's the person who claims to have it all together who is LOST. It's the person who can't love unconditionally who is LOST. I just heard a wonderful sermon that had these words in it -
" How can you ever learn unconditional love if the person meets all of the conditions"

When Your Spouse is Depressed and What to Do

On your wedding day you never imagine that depression could cloud your lives to the degree that it can. Not only does it take your depressed spouse hostage and change how they conduct their lives and how they interact with you, it can also confuse and frustrate you. You want to help but you don’t know how to do it without making matters worse.
You may be able to relate to what author Cheri Fuller said about her experience in trying to help her depressed husband. She writes:

“I tried everything I could think of to cheer him up. I pointed out all the positive things he did, such as being a great dad or helping other people. I encouraged Holmes to look ahead to a family trip we’d planned, but that didn’t help, either. As the months rolled into years, neither my encouraging words nor my hard work to take up the slack in our income seemed to make a difference.” (From the article, “When Your Husband Struggles with Depression” —to read more use the Kyria.com link provided.)

One husband, as quoted by Carolyn MacInnes, admitted that his concern for his depressed wife turned into frustration,

“I’d ask again and again what was wrong, but she never had an answer. Not only was I aggravated by my feelings of helplessness, I was angry the life I’d worked so hard to provide wasn’t enough to make her happy.”

His wife added,

“And the more angry he got, the more he’d withdraw from me. Then I’d feel guilty and withdraw even more. We just kept drifting further apart.” (From the Focus on the Family article, “When Your Spouse is Depressed” —to read more, please use the link provided, to read this article and others they have posted on the subject.)

Can you relate to this wife and/or this husband and what they’ve lived through with their depressed spouse? It’s understandable why some couples “drift apart” because depression effects both of your ways in so many ways. It drags you both down and changes things on so many levels.
You may even find it difficult to understand how someone who is “godly” can also struggle with depression. But as Dr Roger Barrier explains:

“Even the godly can be depressed. There is no contradiction between being a person of great faith and a person of great despair at the same time. We often think that great people and grand accomplishments have grand beginnings. Great accomplishments and great lives often are birthed in sorrow. Those who have plumbed the depths of their own inadequacies are the ones God invariably calls to shepherd others. Why?”

To learn more, please click onto the “Preach It, Teach It” web site link to read the following (plus other related articles on the subject):

• CAN A CHRISTIAN BE DEPRESSED?

And to learn even more helpful information on depression, the former publication, “New Man Magazine,” featured an article that explains some of the causes, along with some tips to “beat depression.” Please click onto the link below to read:

• THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN AND DEPRESSION

In addition, I found one more short article that may give you a tip in dealing with depression in your marriage. It’s found on the web site “Madly in Love Forever.” Please click onto the link below to read:

• WHEN LOVE IS CHALLENGED BY AN UNWELCOME INTRUDER

Wayne and Sissy...

Last night my husband and I went to dinner over an elderly couples home from our church. You know what I like best about spending time with people that are older.... they usually have great wisdom.

We shared a nice southern meal - fried chicken, pinto beans, corn bread and slaw. Afterwards we sat on the front porch to watch the thunderstorm. Let me tell you a little something about Wayne and Sissy...

Wayne and Sissy have been married for 54 years. They are from Kentucky and grew up on a farm. They raised four boys and have many grandchildren today which are the apple of their eye. Wayne was a professor and is a talented music director and bible teacher in our church. You can spend one hour with Wayne and I guarantee you will know something you didn't know before. He loves to tell stories and he is a true teacher at heart. Sissy is his true love and support but still to this day complains she doesn't get to spend enough time with him! They are just plain good people!

The reason why I told you a little something about these two is because it just takes a little kindness and a little hospitality to create bonds and teach lessons. We should all strive to be more like Wayne and Sissy... live simply, love greatly and work earnestly in whatever and wherever you are needed. If I could sum up what makes these two so great would be the time they give to others over themselves - they truly know the meaning of making a difference or impact on someones life just by be selfless... that in itself is a lesson learned just by witnessing the example of who they are... their true nature... just because they love.

Is This My Life or Your Life?

Have you ever felt like you said to much? Sometimes we can say to much, share to much and expect to much. I have come to realize there are only a handful of people who a person can really trust for help and support and that's even doubtful. It's amazing to me just how many people "run" when you are in a personal crisis. Years ago I lost what I thought was supposed to be my best friend because she decided I shouldn't of chose to stay with my husband... well I did and she chose to leave - based on what she thought was best for MY life. I have come to know people in general are incredibly selfish and lack the knowledge of what selfless means. To give yourself freely to another regardless of how YOU feel is selfless... it's called loving and accepting people "where they're at".

People with true maturity and knowledge of selfless love will understand the phrase above. I have been around to many judgemental people with opinions on what I should do without having asked for them. You know, it really doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you feel right about you - without hesitation... just feel right, regardless of circumstance. Don't ever make a decision based on what someone else thinks or you will live with regret. This is YOUR life and you are responsible for YOUR life... not your best friend, mom, dad, grandma, etc... just you.

Making mistakes is part of growth in life... and if I may share something - you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again unless and until you learn whatever life is trying to teach you. Don't expect different results to a problem when you are giving it the same reaction. If you find yourself repeating a problem over and over again look at your approach. The definition of insanity is repeating the same actions and expecting different results. If you want change then make, be or show the change. Be a teacher, an encourager and a helper to others who need guidance. Most people don't come to others for opinions rather for guidance and support - even though they may ask for your opinion, it's really the support they are after so be careful. You may be wondering how you can support something that is totally wrong... well you don't have to and are advised to give your suggestions and or opinions IN LOVE - did you get that? In love... nobody will listen to anything you have to say unless it's coming from a loving selfless place - that's where the growing is done - in love. If your not loving or can't understand what that means you have no business giving advice... you are more likely enjoying the gossip or drama in someone else's life because yours is unfulfilled and boring. Don't expect people to respond like you would - people are different and please don't ever compare someone to another... PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT and no two are the same. Lastly, you are never to old to change. Growth takes place until death... but only if you allow it to. Think about that.

Managing Anger By Using The Triple P Method

Anger properly channeled and controlled is a good thing—a God-given thing. Like a gas flame on the stove, anger is not inherently destructive. It’s a legitimate emotion that has a legitimate function. But it can be helpful or harmful, depending on how we use it. If we don’t learn how to process and express it in healthy ways, the results can be ruinous. Aristotle said it well: “Anyone can become angry-that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not easy.”
One tried-and-true strategy for working with anger is what we call the Triple P Method. It’s a helpful way to remain calm when you feel as though your anger is escalating to potentially dangerous level. The Triple P Method stands for three action steps: Pause. Ponder. Pray.
PAUSE: The first step is to deliberately stop, breathe deeply, and allow that boiling energy to drain away. Buy yourself some time. This lets your body and emotions cool down before you take action. You may even want to take a break and get away from whatever situation might be triggering your anger.
Have you ever noticed that the angrier we feel, the dumber we get? It’s not only a perception; it’s a proven fact. Anger reduces the oxygen to the brain, and our thinking gets foggy. When we’re angry, we do ourselves a favor to pause, disengage from whatever might be fueling our fire, and calm ourselves down.
With emotional pressure building and swirling at high speed, the internal energy will be seeking a release. If we don’t purposely open a release valve and let some of it out, we can become like a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding. But if we pause, we give ourselves a chance to let go of some of this pent-up energy.
The following list has some good ideas for discharging inner tension… before it explodes! Here are seven ways to trigger a calm response:

1. Take in a deep breath, count to five, then slowly let it out, and relax. (Old advice, but it works!)

2. Tune in to your body and deliberately relax whatever is tense.

3. Walk around the room and shake out the tension.

4. Get a drink of water.

5. Lean back in your chair in a relaxed fashion.

6. Massage the back of your neck and shoulders.

7. Warm a heating pad and place it on your shoulders or lower back.

PONDER: Anger doesn’t have to escalate. We can choose cool words over hot words when we talk to ourselves abut what might be bothering us or driving our feelings of frustration. Self-awareness is an important key to managing anger because it allows us to monitor our tension and effectively release it. People who are skilled in managing their anger do this almost intuitively. They have a keen awareness of what is bothering them, and purposely turn down the heat on their anger so that it doesn’t’ burn them or boil over one others.
This has tremendous power to reduce tension and help us cope in the heat of the moment. Even hot anger doesn’t have to boil over. Cool words can keep our anger in check and prevent us from fueling fires that harm ourselves or others.
COOL WORDS TO USE WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY:

• Getting angry won’t get me what I want in the long run.
• Think straight. Keep focused. Stay positive.
• Keep reason and respect number one.
• Don’t blame. Look for solutions.
• This situation isn’t worth a coronary.
• This problem is annoying, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal.
• I don’t have to take this personally.
• What seems so important today won’t seem so a few months from now.
• I can pick my fights and save my energy for more important issues.
• When the time is right, talk slow… talk soft.

PRAY: When we talk to God about our wounds and our anger, we do so for our sake, not His. He already knows the secrets of our heart. I’m not talking abut prayers consisting of fancy, pious, religious words. I’m talking abut authentically sharing our thoughts and feelings with God, as we would with our safest and most trusted friend. Some of the best prayers have more feelings than words. Whispers in the dark, cries from a lonely heart, sighs of confusion, and fumbling utterances offered to God will find their way to His ears, and He will answer.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how, or what, to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves.(Romans 8:26-27, The Message)

David, author of many of the psalms, mastered the art of venting his anger in prayer. I love his bold honesty with God:

My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They bring trouble on me, hunting me down in their anger… Destroy them, Lord, and confuse their speech, for I see violence and strife… Let death seize my enemies by surprise; let the grave swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them… I will call on God, and the LORD will rescue me. Morning, noon, and night I plead aloud in my distress, and the LORD hears my voice. He rescues me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against me, even though many still oppose me… Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. (Psalm 55:3, 9, 15-18, 22, NLT)

Rather than taking matters into his hands, David dumped his anger into God’s lap, or as it says in The Message, he piled his troubles on God’s shoulders (Psalm 55:22). He asked God to take up his cause and bring revenge. His example challenges us. When we are angry, we feel a natural compulsion to act fast. We are driven to “set things straight” and balance the scales. It’s basic human nature to want to reestablish justice in an unfair situation. Rather than depending on God, we take over. Our sense of justice screams, “If anything is going to be made right, I have to make it happen!”
The ways of the world are very different from the ways of God. We are advised to leave the how and when of revenge to God: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil… Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:17, 19, 21). Someone once said, “He who seeks revenge digs two graves.”
Justice will reign. God will initiate it, and God will complete it. He will either do it now, or He will do it later. It is God’s promise to us. God is our avenger, right now, this very moment. Jesus stands today in the Father’s presence as our Advocate. “We have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One” (1 John 2:1). The Holy Spirit is alongside us like legal counsel in a court case, representing us and fighting for our best interests: “The Spirit Himself intercedes for us” (Romans 8:26).
I have talked often with God about these truths during difficult time in my life. Prayers based on these ideas have tempered my anger over setbacks and losses, reminding me of the bigger picture. Ultimately there is no situation in life that can defeat us because of who God is in us. He is greater than what assails us. He is more powerful than those who wound us. His plans and purposes for our life cannot be thwarted by anyone or anything, no matter how black things may seem.
Every pain, every sorrow, every ounce of anger surrendered to God will not be wasted. He takes it all-the good, the bad, the outrageously unfair—and puts a positive spin on it so that it ultimately works for our eternal good. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them” (Romans 8:28, NLT).
The above article comes from the book, The Wounded Woman: Hope and Healing for Those Who Hurt, written by Dr Steve Stephens and Pam Vredevelt, published by Multnomah Publishers. There was a lot more that we wish we could include in this article on this subject including how to “Renounce Replays and Revenge” and reviewing several steps to help you experience the freedom of forgiveness, plus other helpful bits of wisdom so we encourage you to obtain this book wherever it is sold or through their web site.
This is a good book for women filled who are finding it difficult to cope with some of the tragedies that plague them. It offers you the pathway to regain your footing, restart your life, recover your energy, and reclaim your joy. Contained within its pages are real-life testimonies that will guide you toward recovery and inspire you to press forward in newfound strength-not in spite of your wounds but because of them. As Dr Stephens says,

“We cannot change the past. What has occurred—with all of its hurt, injustice, cruelty, disappointment, and tragedy —has slipped into history, beyond our control. Even so, we can change how we view the painful realities that have touched our life and what we say to ourselves about those realities.” The mission of this book is to help you move forward as you work through your pain, “reminding you that there is hope that you are not alone. God never promised to keep us from wounds, but He did promise to be with us and to help us heal.”

Excerpted from The Wounded Woman © 2006 by Dr. Steve Stephens and Pam Vredevelt. Used by permission of Multnomah Publishers, Inc. Excerpt may not be reproduced without the prior written consent of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.

Nail Your Problems to the Cross By Beth Livingston Certified Recovery Specialist

During Easter we’re reminded of Jesus Christ’s horrific moments: false accusations, treated like a criminal, arrested, beaten, mocked, spit on, and eventually nailed to a cross where he suffered and died. (See Luke 22-23) Could it be that we, in our addictions and other unwanted behaviors, have felt some of these same things?

My friend, Patty, went back home after spending a year in a residential rehab for crack cocaine addiction. Because of her tainted history, her family had no trust in her ability to remain clean. She could make a trip to the grocery store and end up being accused of scoring some crack while she was out. The verbal assault came first, then they’d search her room, the car, and check the messages on her cell phone. She ended up feeling falsely accused and humiliated – treated like a criminal.

Our jails and prisons are filled with people who were arrested for their sale, possession, and/or use of illegal substances or over-use of alcohol. Others have been arrested for behaviors that became criminally violent without any substance at all.

Many who attend recovery programs or seek counseling have experienced some semblance of what Christ encountered on his way to the cross. The HUGE difference between Christ’s experience and ours is that He had done NOTHING to deserve the mistreatment. He spent 33 years on this earth and never sinned, never did anything “unholy” or questionable. Yet, here he was – being treated like one of the world’s most dangerous, despicable criminals. Why?

Why didn’t he stand up for justice, demand that his torturers be bound and thrown into hell, and call all of the angels from heaven to bring a holy showdown there at Calvary? The answer is simple – so that all of mankind would have the opportunity to be forgiven and turn from their sins and spend eternity with Him in Heaven. He was murdered for all of our sins, all of our addictions, all of our poor choices – so we wouldn’t have to be. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Jesus Christ paid for our problems with his life. He wanted to give us power from on high to defeat sin in our lives. Romans 6:10-11 says, “When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Jesus Christ.”

Once every 12 weeks in our recovery group we prayerfully consider what we need victory over in our lives, that’s been dogging us and we need a breakthrough. When we have determined what that is for each of us, we name it by writing it on a thin, small piece of paper and one by one take the hammer and a nail and nail that problem to the wooden cross in our meeting place. There is something powerful and moving that happens as you nail your problems to the cross. As you pound that nail, you understand that Jesus was nailed to the cross for that problem of yours. What would you nail there today? Take every step you can to get free.