They're Singing Your Song

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows
she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness
with a few friends and together they pray and
meditate until they hear the song of the child.
They recognize that every soul has its own vibration
that expresses its unique flavor and purpose. When
the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. 
Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone
else.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child's song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child's song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come
together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song.

Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person's bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

To the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community
form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.

The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn't. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well.

You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you'll find your way home.

The Passive-Aggressive Spouse

Are you dealing with a Passive Aggressive spouse? If you are, you’re probably pretty desperate to find help in dealing with this issue, because it’s one that is certainly perplexing, to say the very least!
It’s difficult to deal with someone who seems to have such a slippery way of doing things. He or she can appear to be passive, but then does things that contradict that stance.

“The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don’t communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels; their ego is fragile and can’t take the slightest criticism. So why would they let you know what they are thinking or feeling?” (Cathy Meyer, from article “Passive Aggressive Behavior, a Form of Covert Abuse“)

Does this sound familiar? Most likely, if you’ve dealt with someone who is passive aggressive… and it’s frustrating.
How exactly is the term, passive aggressive defined?

“Passive-aggressive: Pertaining to behavior in which feelings of aggression are expressed in passive ways as, for example, by stubbornness, sullenness, procrastination, or intentional inefficiency” (from Medicine.net)

Medline Plus gives this insight:

“Some common symptoms of passive-aggressive personality disorder include:

• Acting sullen
• Avoiding responsibility by claiming forgetfulness
• Being inefficient on purpose
• Blaming others
• Complaining
• Feeling resentment
• Having a fear of authority
• Having unexpressed anger or hostility
• Procrastinating
• Resisting other people’s suggestions.

“A person with this disorder may appear to comply with another’s wishes and may even demonstrate enthusiasm for those wishes. However, they:

• Perform the requested action too late to be helpful
• Perform it in a way that is useless
• Sabotage the action to show anger that they cannot express in words.”

Cathy Meyer gives even further insight:

“Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person’s feelings may be so repressed that they don’t even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.”
“…If you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn’t happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things ‘off your chest.’” (from article “Passive Aggressive Behavior, a Form of Covert Abuse“).

In the above mentioned article, Cathy Meyer then goes on to give “some ways you might approach your passive aggressive.” You may find it helpful to read the entire article, including ways to approach your spouse, but I want to give you a “heads up” because for some reason, the About.com web site, for some reason, put it in the “Divorce Support” section —which is not something we’re trying to encourage —supporting divorcing your passive-agreesive, but rather dealing with it in the best way possible with the Lord’s help.
Still, the article is a good one, so we encourage you to read it by clicking onto:

• ”PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR, a Form of Covert Abuse“

Here are a few other things you might find helpful to read, concerning this type of behavior (and click onto the links after the quotes to learn more):

“Passive-Aggressive people don’t usually like the aggressive posture over any issue; they’ll rather say ‘Yes’ when they already know what they are going to do. The yes is to get their aggressive spouse out of their face. Rather than speak up their concern on an issue they keep quite but their displeasure is displayed in their behavior, he/she might walk around the house banging the door after them, react to their spouse with short sentences, or act to sabotage their spouse to get even or get back at them. You never really know what’s on their mind, when they say yes, as a spouse you watch if that yes is really yes or yes – get out of my face or yes – I already know what I want to do.” (from the Christiancouples.org” article, “Home Improvement Series XXXVIII – Wired Uniquely?“)

From the Couples Institute, Peter Pearson, Ph.D writes:

“Passive-aggressive people are typically hypersensitive to actual or perceived criticism. Especially when they don’t follow through with promises. Here’s the kicker. They have great gobs of good reasons for not following through with crucial agreements.” (Does Your Partner Drive You Nuts? …The Passive Aggressive Personality)

As a spouse, you are “doomed” if you get angry and “doomed” if you say nothing. “Welcome to the crazy world of the passive aggressive partner” says Dr Peter Pearson, who claims to battle with this disorder himself. He writes:

“The passive aggressive person generally feels they are under assault and no matter what they do, they cannot please their partner. …The other partner believes they cannot depend on the passive aggressive mate to reliably follow through. Even if I am 80% reliable, as I would sometimes point out to [wife] Ellyn, she has no idea what the 80% will be or when it will be completed. This screws up the logistical part of being an effective team which supports being an effective couple.”
“So what causes this aggravating problem that painfully affects both partners in different ways? Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common:
1. “A highly critical parent or parents, resulting in a highsensitivity to being judged on performance.
2. “A lot of painful disappointments in life. This results in a reflexive coping mechanism that severely restricts their hopes and desires in life. Minimizing desires is a subconscious attempt to avoid getting hopes up and then dashed which triggers a warehouse of painful disappointments stored in the emotional brain.”(Does Your Partner Drive You Nuts? …The Passive Aggressive Personality, by Peter Pearson, Ph.D, Sep 15, 2005)

Deborah Ward offers this insight as well:

“Certain situations will tend to activate passive-aggressive behaviour, including circumstances in which the person’s performance will be judged, or he thinks it will, says therapist Jay Earley, Ph.D., such as in the workplace. Similarly, any situation where the passive-aggressor has to deal with authority figures, such as bosses, parents, teachers, community leaders and even spouses, will often trigger an indirectly angry approach.
“…Passive-Aggressive personality disorder develops as a result of a combination of genetics and environment, says Earley. Essentially, this person feels that aggression is not allowed and to survive, he has to express his anger indirectly and defeat others in the only way he feels he can.” (from Suite101.com article, “Causes of Passive Aggression“)

There are other reasons, you can be sure. But whatever the reason, or excuse, how can you deal with it:
If you are a passive-aggressive spouse, therapist Jay Earley, Ph.D., offers these further suggestions for creating a healthier attitude:

• “Become aware of the underlying anger and resentment that is causing your behaviour.
• Become aware of your desire to defeat others, get back at them or annoy them.
• Become aware of your need to fail in order to get back at others.
• Work on allowing yourself to be just who you are, or feeling that you are okay as you are, that your sense of worth doesn’t depend on other people’s opinions
• Work on expressing your anger and standing up for yourself.” (from Suite101.com article, “Healing and Dealing with Passive-Aggression“)

If you’re dealing with a husband who inflicts this behavior upon you and your marriage:

“How are you going to stay clear, calm and connected with a passive-aggressive man? It will not be easy, but it can be done. You must master a few strategies.
“First, understand passive-aggression. You cannot remain clear and calm if you don’t understand what is happening. If you remain reactive, you’ll be dancing from one encounter to another. Notice what is happening. When and where do you get hooked? What does he say that provokes you into snapping back aggressively? Notice these patterns and determine to remain clear about what is happening.
“Second, determine to be active, not reactive…”

And the list and explanations go on. To learn more on this behavior and some strategies” to help you live with your passive-aggressive spouse, please click onto the Crosswalk.com article, written by Dr. David B Hawkins, to read:

• LIVING WITH A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN

“How do women love passive-aggressive husbands?”

That’s the question that’s addressed in this next article. Here’s what the author wrote:

1.   “First, understand passive-aggression. You cannot remain clear and calm if you don’t understand what is happening. If you remain reactive, you’ll be dancing from one encounter to another. Notice what is happening. What does he say that provokes you into snapping back aggressively? Notice these patterns and determine to remain clear about what is happening.”

And then the list goes on to make 11 additional points to help wives who are living with a passive aggressive husband. Many of these points can be applied to husbands living with a passive aggressive wife, as well.

For more, please click onto the following link to read:

• HOW TO LOVE A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE HUSBAND

We realize this article is not exhaustive in the information it gives, but hopefully, it gives you some insights. If you are dealing with a passive aggressive spouse, keep asking the Holy Spirit to guide you to healthy information that will work for you in dealing with this marital issue. And then keep on the look-out, for what He brings your way.

May the Lord help you, as you put your hand into His for guidance.

This article was written by Cindy Wright

Bring me flowers

I would rather have one small rose
From the garden of a friend
Than to have the choicest flowers
When my stay on Earth must end.

I would rather have one pleasant word
In kindness said to me
Than flattery when my heart is still
And my life on Earth has ceased to be.

I would rather have a loving smile
From friends I know are true
Than tears shed round my casket
When this world I've bid Adieu.

Bring me all your flowers today
Whether pink, white or red:
I'd rather have one blossom now
Than a truckload when I'm dead.

9/11 ~ why never forget? by Maribeth Jordan

10 years later and some say why do we need to remember? Sure it is a painful memory that stirs many negative emotions but with pain and sorrow comes new life. Look at it this way...

A mother goes through pain to give new life.
 Jesus died so that we may have eternal (new) life.
With every death a memory is born and forever lives in our hearts.
Trees and plants give seeds of life each season until death... those seeds grow into trees/plants that continue the beauty life cycle.  With every year that passes we continue to plant our own "seeds" in this world by who we are and the way we live... we pass it on to our children, grandchildren and the cycle continues. I like to call them seeds of character, love, hate, compassion, etc... whatever it is you plant most so will that grow.

We as a nation bonded that day and stood as one. We cried over the hurt and lost, and mourned over the deceased. A national tragedy that nobody saw coming or did we? That tragedy changed us in many ways... tighter security, personal and financial loss, fear, rage, forgiveness, compassion, love, etc... to experience any emotion on a high level changes us to some degree. Regardless of the circumstance we were created with the capacity to remember for the sole purpose of growth.

We remember because we honor... that was someones father, mother, brother, wife, husband, child, friend, sister or brother. Their lives were taken selfishly derived from hatred and we know that people who hate are people who fear. But we must make their death about sacrifice for a greater united front - together we stand... there is strength in numbers. We must remember the ones who died in this terrible event left behind much. They will forever become a part of history that changed a nation. What this day signifies is love... life is short, say goodbye, forgive and share your time with someone who needs it. You never know what a day will bring so for all who died September 11, 2001 you are my hero's for teaching me a lesson on love. A strong reminder from the bible..

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Never forget....

The Thirty Second Quiz

Don't bother getting a pen and paper... just read... if you can't
answer them, just keep going.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.

5. Name the last five Academy Award winners for Best Actor and Actress.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They're the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Now here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. Name three teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worth while.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson?

The people who make a difference in your life aren't the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They're the ones who care.


(Wishing you a BEAUTIFUL day!)

An Hour With Charlie... by Maribeth Jordan

I printed this story last year... thought it was worth a re-print.

What do I think you should do today? Something different from your usual daily routine - it gets your blood pumping, mind thinking, and that's when life changes.

I tried that yesterday when I decided to take my kids to the lake (we never go to the lake). While there, I found a swing bench to sit and watch my kids from a far all the while admiring the beautiful lake, trees and flowers that were all so present around me. This is where I met a man who I will call "Charlie."

Charlie is an elderly man, walks with a cane and talks with a friendly, soft tone. "May I sit and swing with you?" he asks. Of course I replied with a friendly yes. I noticed Charlie seemed tired, he also seemed winded. I asked him if everything was ok. Charlie said everything was just fine now. Not knowing what he meant I continued a conversation with him about life, family and travels. Charlie had the most beautiful wife although he never really recognized it up until a year before she died. Charlie had two children who had both passed away in a car accident. He is a candid man who loved life and the people in it. As I was listening to all the stories; good, bad, funny and sad I couldn't help wondering what it must be like for him to have suffered such loss and still manage a sincere smile with a hearty laugh.

When it was time for Charlie to leave I asked if he comes here often and if I would ever see him again. Charlie replied no, he doesn't come to the lake often. This is where he used to come and sit with his wife about a year before she died. They grew closer than ever just sitting here, looking out over the lake and having some of the best conversations - something he never seemed to make time for in the earlier years. He stated he wanted to have one last memory of her here on earth because he would be seeing her soon. "What do you mean?" I said with a knot in my throat. "I'm dying, and soon," he said. Charlie didn't want to see me upset or feel sorry for him. "It's all part of life," he said. "Dying is something we will all do and that is one thing we all have in common." Charlie proceeded to tell me since his children and wife had passed that death didn't scare him, he actually looked forward to it and the day he would see them again. Charlie proceeded to tell me that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. He also said life is too short to waste and that God gave us five senses to make wise use of.. SEE the beauty and recognize it; HEAR the music and glorify in it, TASTE and appreciate the sweetness, TOUCH and feel the warmth and love, SMELL the flowers because it's a scent from God.

I hugged Charlie and thanked him for his time. "Time is the greatest gift we can give someone, and it's free." he said

In that short amount of time I changed a bit. On my way home I took notice of the blue sky, the smell of the freshly cut lawns and the icecream parlor on the side of the road. "Who wants icecream?" I asked, as if I really needed to! Watching the kids drip icecream courtesy of the hot sun was a pleasure.. I used to get annoyed by the mess but now I was just happy to be there "seeing" it. Thank you Charlie...

Rise and Hope: When God Says “No” . . . Pray

Rise and Hope: When God Says “No” . . . Pray: "When nobody is around and when we're able to be absolutely honest with ourselves before God, we entertain certain dreams and hopes. We want ..."